Dark Porcelain based Data-Delivery

This service proposes to use the standard toilet and sewage lines to provide Internet connectivity at a speed of up to 32 Mbps with a paid plan.

The DPDD subscriber would drop a weighted end of a long, fiber-optic cable in their toilet and flush it. Note: The fiber optic cable that enables DPDD will not interfere with your toilet's regular operations. For your own convenience, however, you may eventually wish to hire a professional contractor to help route the cable under, or through, the toilet seat to your DPBD wireless router. Around 60 minutes later, the end would be recovered and connected to the Internet by a "Plumbing Hardware Dispatcher (PHD)". The user would then connect their end to a wireless router and run the installation media on a Windows XP or Vista computer ("Mac and Linux support coming soon").

For apartment complexes and home-office / small and medium business units, the wireless router would serve as a wireless access point, allowing multiple secured connections to it. Note:An international consortium of utility companies, sewage system experts, toilet manufacturers, and plumbers to develop solutions to the many problems facing all "Dark Porcelain based Data-Delivery" innovators

Alternatively, the DPDD subscriber could request a professional installation service (paid), in which the company would deploy nanobots through the plumbing to complete the process. The free service would be supported by "discreet DNA sequencing" of "personal bodily output" to display online ads that relate to culinary preferences and personal health.

If you're still experiencing any sewage problems, drop eight mints into the bowl and add a two-liter bottle of diet soda and your cable duct is clear. 24-hour, on-site technical support in the event of backup problems, brownouts and data wipes, rest assured that under no circumstances will the DPBD system ever expose your privates.